Carmichael and Walker
by David Carner
Summary: Agents Carmichael and Walker are partners in everything. What has the CIA done?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Listen, if you walk into this fic with any kind of seriousness….you're only hurting yourself. This is just me writing to let loose some steam, two agents in crazy situations, and them being crazy. If you're along for that ride, welcome.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

There was a knock on the door, a knock he recognized. He walked toward it, confused, she had her own key, why was she knocking? Opening the door, he found her standing there, drenched by the rain. Her clothes were visibly ripped, bruises all over her, at least what he could see that wasn't covered by a trench coat. But the thing that stood out… he thing that scared him… was all the glitter.

"How many did you kill?" he asked.

"Every damn one of them," she growled, walking past him, madder than a baptized cat. "And I lost my keys."

"I thought you were going down there to run surveillance, and if something happened, you were going to call me, and I'd be back up," he said, shutting the door. He followed her to the bathroom. He got hit in the face with her wet coat, for his trouble. "What happened, Sarah? You never have this many bruises from a fight."

"They tipped over a shelf on me," she said, spinning, anger covering her face. "It's not like in those stupid Christmas movies you watch," she began.

"Listen, _Home Alone_ and _Home Alone 2_ are classics," Chuck retorted.

"There was glitter, _all over_ those shelves," Sarah growled.

"And the clothes?" he asked, seeing a _lot_ of body.

"Don't worry, anyone who saw me in this state… they aren't seeing anything else ever again." Chuck shook his head. "They were mobsters, Chuck!"

"Oh, I know, but I'm sure they didn't deserve to see you before they left this mortal coil."

She stopped cleaning herself off, and turned slowly toward him. "You're mad," she began.

"Oh, no," he replied, walking toward the living room.

"I _am_ sorry," she began.

"You were sorry _last_ time, when you got that serial murderer without me!" Chuck said, sitting on the couch, crossing his arms, irritated.

Sarah realized she was standing in her living room, barely half dressed, her clothes torn, dripping water, glitter _everywhere_. Her entire body hurt, but it was the emotional hurt that mattered right now. She had promised him she wouldn't do this to him.

"You've still not forgiven me," he said softly.

"Chuck, I have," she insisted.

"I told them this was a bad idea, that you-"

"Do not say I'm a wildcard," Sarah said, the warning evident in her voice.

"I told you we didn't have to do this," Chuck said, looking up at her.

"Well, it is your fault," she retorted.

"And how exactly do you figure that?" he asked, standing.

"You were the one, when we began this partnership and I asked what you wanted out of it, that said to me – and I quote – "I was just kind of hoping that you'd, y'know… fall in love with me." She gave him a significant look, and he grinned at her. "Come here."

"Why?" he asked, not moving.

"Just come here."

"Nope, you're gonna hit me," he said, crossing his arms.

She tilted her head to the side. "Yeah, but you like it." He grinned at her. "I'm not mad at you, Chuck. I knew what getting married meant, that we'd be partnering together, but you did have your own mission today-"

"Getting the oil changed is _not_ a mission," he replied, petulantly.

"It became one when I told you I was gonna kill the guy, if he made another lewd comment about my ass," she reminded him.

"You may have a problem."

"You married me," she reminded him. He nodded. "I am who I am," she said with a shrug. "And you love me."

"I do," Chuck said, still not moving toward her.

"Fiiiiiiine," she said, nearly stomping her foot, but didn't. "I got something for you. That's why I was there."

"What did you do?" he asked, worry on his face.

"Well, you don't have to say it like that," she replied, a grin creeping across her face. "I found Diego." His eyes lit up. "See, now do you know why I had to do this alone?"

"Sarah, you could have gotten hurt!" He looked her over. "You _did_ get hurt."

"Pffft," she said, waving her hand, and wincing as the muscles tightened up.

"Okay," he said, walking toward her, turning her toward the bathroom, and gently leading her there. "Time for a shower, or you'll never get the glitter off, and then you'll tense up."

"Will you wash my back?" she asked with a grin.

"Gurl, I'll wash whatever you ask me to," he said, taking her into the bathroom and shutting the door.

}o{

"Is that blood?" Chuck asked her a few days later, as she climbed back into the surveillance van.

"No?" Sarah replied.

"That's not a question you're supposed to answer with a question," Chuck said. Sarah gave a shrug. "What happened?"

"Remember Diego's driver?" Chuck nodded. "He's taken care of."

"You don't have to kill them all," Chuck reminded her.

"It's what I was trained and told to do. Besides, you're just mad because you wanted to kill him." She gave him a look. "I'm sorry, murder wasn't on today's agenda."

"It not on anyone's," Chuck replied.

"No, it's on mine, but not until next Tuesday." Chuck's eyes went wide. "That guy from Costa Gravas is supposed to be in town."

"Oh, him," Chuck said, nodding. "He's an evil one." Sarah nodded. "Anything special planned?"

"Nope, just killing him… or if I can't, at least get him captured."

"They'll let him go on diplomatic immunity," Chuck said, watching his target through the binoculars.

"Then I guess I'll just have to kill him," she said, with a shrug. There was silence for a second. "Mom called today."

"Oh," Chuck replied, not looking at her. "And how is she?"

"Wanting to know if you were still alive, or if I've killed you," she answered.

"Oh boy," Chuck muttered. "By the way, have I said thank you for not killing me this week?"

She smacked him in the leg. "You idiot. I love you, adore you, I wouldn't never kill you… unless you cheated on me."

"Now, see, I thought you'd cut parts of me off, and make me live with the knowledge I could never use those parts of me again."

"Nope, changed my mind," she said, grabbing a fry from her earlier lunch. It was cold, and she sighed, chewing it. "You're the only person I've ever trusted, Chuck."

"I know, babe, and I won't ever break it."

"I know you won't," she said. There was silence for a moment. "I'm bitter and complicated. It's one of my charms."

Chuck turned to her slowly. "I don't think you know what that word means… or how to count." She gave him a faux glare, and he just shrugged. He leaned closer.

"What?"

"How come I'm never afraid of you?" he asked. She twisted her lips. "No, I'm serious. You're one of the best in the world at what you do, one of the best in the world at killing bad guys that need to be killed. And yet, my heart, it remains in your hands, perfectly safe."

"Chuck, it's him," she said. He quickly turned watching his target. "Can I punch him in the face?"

"No, Sarah, we've talked about this."

"What if I break his nose just a little?" she asked, a glimmer in her eye. "Okay, hear me out, on a scale of one to ten, how bad do you think it would be if-"

"At least a twenty," Chuck replied cutting her off. She stuck out her tongue at him.

}o{

Chuck had begun sneezing a few minutes later. As the day went on, it had gotten worse, but he refused to abandon his post… until the State Department surrounded the surveillance van. Chuck's headache was getting bad, his nose was running, and he was sneezing constantly. Even in this shape, he thought he might be better to deal with what was going on than Sarah.

Diego had cut a deal. Sarah drove them home, Chuck muttering about him getting scared after Diego found his driver dead. Sarah winced, acknowledging he was right. She got him home, and took care of him. He was lying with his head in her lap, when the phone rang.

"Director, I'm sorry, I have a clingy and feverish agent on my lap. I'll have to call you back when I've convinced him that a cold doesn't mean he's dying," she said. Graham laughed and hung up.

"And they said we wouldn't last," Chuck said, snuggling against her.

"Oh no," she said, putting her hand to her heart.

"What, what's wrong," he said, sitting up, a worried look on his face.

"I think I just felt an emotion," she replied, her eyes dancing.

Chuck shook his head. "I regret a lot of things," he began.

"I'm regretting this conversation," she muttered.

"But they never begin with you, or loving you."

"Awww," she said, batting her eyes at him. "You say that like you had a choice."

"You're right, I didn't," he said, laying back against her, grinning.

"We didn't get Diego," she said, softly.

"Don't care, got you," he replied, sleepily.

"You're getting soft."

"Yeah, but you love me," he said, drifting off to sleep. She ran her hand through his hair. He was right, she did.

* * *

A/N: It's not Adorable Psycho but that's probably the closest thing to it. It was fun, it's a one-shot…..right? Right…..EDC…why are you smiling?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I'm having a hard time between my anxiety and my Asperger's and what's going on in the world, so I needed something that required little thinking, and was funny. I think the biggest question is, Who is writing this? God help us all.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

* * *

"Ooo, will you look at these?" Sarah said, jerking on Chuck's jacket.

"Sarah, we're here for a mission, can you please stay on task?" Chuck begged. The salesman looked at them, and Chuck motioned for him to continue.

The man kept talking to Chuck, when Sarah found one she really liked. "CHUCK! This would go perfect with my clutch."

"Sarah, you have two at home just like it!" Chuck replied, exasperated, trying to interrogate the shop owner. "You have enough. You have more than enough."

"Hmmph," she grunted. "It's times like these why I question I married you." He turned and gave her a flat look. "Finnnnne, I'll quit." She turned toward the shop owner, and pulled out a knife. "I'm cranky now, my husband won't let me have a new gun, and I really have my eye set on that one," she said, pointing to the one she had been coveting. She heard Chuck clear his throat. "Right, sorry. Will you please tell me what he wants to know, because we're going out to dinner, and my husband really hates it when I get blood on my dress."

"It really bothers the other customers, when she has blood all over her dress," Chuck clarified with a shrug.

"That upsets my husband, and I _hate_ it when he gets upset," Sarah said, waving the knife. The pawnshop owner gulped.

}o{

Chuck shut the door, rolling his eyes. "Thank you, Chuck," she said, a smile on her face, looking at her new gun.

"I figured as quickly as you got the intel, the least I could do was buy you a new gun," Chuck replied with a shrug. They watched a car drive by, and Sarah's eyes narrowed. "Ohhh, please tell me that's not…"

"Dieeeeeggggggooooo," she growled. She turned to Chuck, an evil smile on her face. "Want to see what kind of trouble we can get into?"

"Oh, God, we're gonna to die, aren't we?" Chuck asked, starting the car, and beginning to tail the passing car.

"It's a Tuesday, I know how to restrain myself," Sarah protested.

"You and I _both_ know you don't," Chuck said, shaking his head.

"Meh… you're right," she said with a shrug.

}o{

Chuck handed the binoculars to Sarah. "Whole lot of bad guys in that compound," Chuck said. "Do you think you could take a couple of them out… you know, hit them with your knife?"

She handed the binoculars back to Chuck. "I believe the technical term is stab." She sighed. "I was told not to kill Diego, which makes me very stressed."

"What would de-stress you?" Chuck asked.

"If I went in there and killed _those_ bad guys," Sarah replied with a shrug.

He looked into the binoculars. "I think that would be-" he put the binoculars down and looked over at the empty seat beside him. "Annnnd, you're gone."

}o{

"Are you mad?" Sarah asked, sometime later. A bullet hit the wall across from them.

"I've been happier," Chuck replied.

"One a scale of one to ten?"

"High thirties," Chuck replied, returning fire. "I mean you burst in here…"

"I didn't burst, it was more _sneaky_ than that," she said, throwing a knife and hitting her intended target in the eye, dropping him.

"_Burst_ in here," Chuck continued, "outnumbered twenty to one."

"More like forty to one," Sarah replied, throwing a nearby wrench, clocking another tango in the head. "I've _killed_ at least twenty."

"Outnumbered forty to one, all to stab a man you've been _told_ you can't kill right now."

"He called me a bad name," Sarah shrugged.

Chuck looked over at her. "What did he call you?"

"A crazy bitch," Sarah said.

"Oh, _hell_ no," Chuck said, standing and picking off four bad guys in seconds. "_No one_ calls you that!"

"I love it when you get all protector-y about me," Sarah said, grinning.

"I am way too sober for this," Chuck muttered.

}o{

"I don't think we're making dinner," Sarah said, clearing the room.

"That's okay, I know you weren't crazy about going out," Chuck replied, clearing his own room.

"I mean, I love going out with you, but people are always saying things about me. They act like I'm evil." There was a slight pout on her lips, and Chuck couldn't help but smile at her.

"You are not as evil as people make you out to be."

"Awww, you're so sweet. Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby," Chuck replied.

"You _do_ mean I'm worse, right? Because I am." Chuck just shrugged and walked to the next room. "CHUCK! I AM EVIL!"

}o{

"Babe, I think Diego's gone," Chuck said, walking towards her. He pulled his gun to shoot one of the bad guys that was trying to get up. She shot the bad guy before he could.

"Screw it, let's blow the place up," Sarah groused.

"We've talked about this," Chuck began.

"What if I burn it to the ground?" she suggested.

"Sarah, it's mostly made of stone," Chuck protested.

"But trying will really make me feel better," Sarah pouted.

}o{

"Agents," Graham said. "Do you happen to know anything about a stone building in LA being burnt, along with 38 of some of the worst members of Diego's gang?"

"Apparently there were only 39 members were in there," Sarah said to Chuck. Chuck just blinked while facing the screen.

"I see," Graham said, sighing. "Sarah, we talked about Diego."

"I didn't kill him!" she protested.

"Not because you didn't try," Chuck countered. Sarah glared at him.

Graham chuckled, and cut the feed.

"Want ice cream?" Sarah asked, grinning, and headed to the kitchen.

"She's scarily adorable and psychotic," Chuck muttered.

"I heard that, and I am," she yelled from the kitchen.

* * *

A/N: I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: ….I got nuthin'

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

"You're mad," she said, getting no response. She sighed. "Come on, Chuck, I need you to do this."

"To do what?" he asked, irritation in his voice. "You got us into this without my help."

"And you're going to hold that against me?"

"You _swore_ you were done chasing Diego!" Chuck retorted.

"I _thought _I was," she insisted. "And then I saw him…and you know what he called me," she reminded Chuck. She grinned hearing the low growl out of him. "He makes me feel things…I don't like to feel things, Chuck, except the things I feel for you. Emotions are messy."

"I think you're confusing feelings with paint," he replied. "I need to know something."

"Anything," she said.

"Did you bring us here to die?"

"Obviously," she replied, rolling her eyes where he couldn't see.

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or serious," he muttered, and then sighed. "What can I do?"

"Okay, move your hand to your left," she began. "Whoops, my left. That's it, right there, now scratch my back."

"What?!" Chuck asked. The two were tied up, back to back in an old dungeon.

"My back itched, I needed it scratched so I had time to think," Sarah replied.

The door swung open. "Diego," she hissed, seeing him.

"I have you," he said, proud of himself. "Now, you will apologize."

"I'm sorry your a piece of shit," Sarah said, smiling at him.

"That does not sound like an apology," Diego said.

"Bite me," she replied, still smiling. Diego pulled out a gun. "Wait, what are you doing with that."

"I'm going to shoot him," Diego said calmly. "In the groin."

"I'msorryI'msorryI'msorryI'msorry."

Diego looked down at Chuck. "I don't need your apology, I need hers."

"I'm sorry," Sarah said. Diego smiled, and put the gun back in it's holster. He started to turn, when he tripped over Chuck's foot.

"I'm sorry, please don't shoot," he said.

"Fools, didn't tie up your feet," Diego muttered, shutting the door and locking it.

"What did you do?" Sarah asked.

"Got him to drop the key," Chuck said proud of himself. He stamped his foot down, and the key flipped into the air, landing on his knee. "That actually worked!" Chuck said, impressed with himself, now I just need to figure out how to get to it."

"I got it," Sarah said, pulling her arms out of the rope.

"Wait, what just happened?" Chuck asked, feeling the pressure of her against him leave.

"Well, they didn't cuff us to each other, and they didn't get my hands cuffed where the rope would catch as I pulled them up," she said, bringing her cuffed hands along the back of her legs and then pulling her feet back, letting her hands be in front of her. She stood, reached down, and picked up the key, unlocking herself.

"Why did I have to scratch your back?"

"Because I like it when you scratch all my itches, baby," Sarah replied unlocking him.

"Hmmm, when you put it like that, I guess I can forgive you," he said, as she gave him a peck on the lips.

"Now or in six years?" she asked, as he stood.

He rubbed his wrists and gave her a long look. "I'm not sure," he admitted.

She looked around the cell. "Why did Graham do this, why did he think I could be diplomatic? Does no one remember when I started that war? Or the time I started that other war?"

"They were more skirmishes than wars," Chuck pointed out. She blew out a frustrated breath. "Any ideas?"

"I may have a solution," she began.

"Great!" Chuck said, spinning toward her, happy.

"It involves fire," she continued.

"Absolutely not."

"What's more relaxing than setting something on fire?" she insisted.

"Lots of things," he countered. "Sweetie, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but don't you realize that is insane? You can't constantly burn things down."

"Why not?" Sarah pouted.

Chuck began to answer and then stopped. "How would we get out of here if you set the place on fire?"

"They'd let us out," she said, like he had lost his mind.

"Or, and go with me on this one, they are evil, and they might let us burn to death," Chuck pointed out.

"Oh," she said, nodding slowly. "So you're not willing to risk it." He gave her a flat look and she raised her hands in defense. "Sorry, got it!" He mumbled something under his breath. "Damn right I'm pretty," she said, smiling.

"Petty, I said, you're petty…but you are pretty," Chuck told her. He looked around the cell. "This is bad."

"You've said that," Sarah reminded him.

"I think in this case, it bears repeating," Chuck replied.

An explosion shook the prison, and the two looked at each other. A few minutes later the prison door swung open. "Carmichael, Walker," Graham said.

"Director, why are you here?" Chuck asked.

"You think I'd let her negotiate a peace treaty?" Graham asked.

"That's my wife you're talking about," Chuck said, drawing up and walking toward Graham.

"Chuck, he's right," Sarah said, grabbing his arm.

"I mean, I _know_ but he didn't have to say it that way," Chuck told her.

"I had you two followed the entire way. I told everyone to be on the lookout for fire."

"I told you we should have burned the place," Sarah told him.

"If we had they may not have gotten here in time to save us!" Chuck reminded her. Sarah pouted a little.

"Diego got away," Graham informed them. His eyebrows went up at the string of curse words that flowed from Sarah's mouth. "Wow."

"You ought to see her when she's angry," Chuck told him. "Can we please get out of here?"

The three started outside. They got to the entrance when they noticed Sarah wasn't with them. "Where's your wife?" Graham asked. Chuck turned, and saw Sarah running out of the compound.

"Run, Director," Chuck shouted, as he took off, Sarah grinning as she ran by them.

Graham began to run and the explosion began. "WALKER!" Graham yelled.

* * *

A/N: These. Are. Insane.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Don't look at me. (Unbeta'd, all mistakes are my own)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck.

* * *

_Two years ago_

"No, Agent Walker!" Graham roared. "You CANNOT go after Diego!"

"But he is the _only _thing standing between me and a perfect record in the CIA," Sarah retorted, slightly pouting. "I have captured or killed-"

"Mostly killed," Graham muttered.

"Every target you have assigned me," she continued, ignoring Graham.

"But at what costs?!" Graham asked. He pulled out a file folder.

"Oooo, all my completed cases?"

"All of the costs the CIA has endured for you _record_," Graham told her.

"Perfection isn't cheep," she sniffed. Graham just stared at her. "So what is it you want me to do?"

"I have an agent who is calm, cool, and collected, and he needs a partner, a cover partner," Graham began.

"I will not have some man telling me what to do," she said, slamming her hand down on the desk. Graham blinked, and just stared at her, as she realized a man was literally her boss. "You know what I mean."

"I do," Graham replied. "And that is one reason I've picked who I've picked to be your partner. Agent Carmichael is one of the best."

"He's a nerd," Sarah retorted.

"Huh," Graham huffed. "Most call him a geek."

"Well…I've known people like him, they prefer the term nerd," Sarah retorted.

"Tomorrow you will meet with me and Agent Carmichael and we'll go from there," Graham told her, offering no room for argument

"I will not be forced into some relationship with this man," Sarah said, rising.

"Sarah, it's a _cover_," Graham insisted. "What grown people do on their time off is their choice, and do you know how many lawsuits that would rain down on me if I told my agents to have sex with someone?!"

Sarah stood there a moment. "Oh," she replied. "Well, I will _NOT _be forced into a relationship with some man!" And with that, she turned and left.

Graham sat there a moment. "She's really gonna play that I don't know that her and Bartowski are seeing each other?" he muttered to himself.

}o{

Chuck was cooking dinner as he heard the apartment door open. "Hey good looking!" he yelled from the kitchen.

"How do you know I'm not some deranged killer?" Sarah called out.

"There is no way for me to answer that and _not _get in trouble," he muttered to himself. Her arms slipped around his waist. "Hey, I know your back hugs, and that's a 'something is really wrong back hug'."

"I'm being assigned a partner tomorrow and have to be cover married to him," Sarah told him. He turned around and pulled her into his arms. "I'm not happy."

"We'll figure it out," Chuck told her. "I mean, it's just for missions." She nodded against his chest. "Who is it?"

"You," she said sadly.

Chuck shook his head, took a finger and dug into his ear. "Would you mind saying that again?"

"You," she said, pulling away, and giving him a sad look.

"I don't know why you're freaking out about being fake married to a guy you're basically already married to," Chuck admitted.

"He knows!" Sarah said.

"Okay, he's the head of the CIA, I'm not shocked," Chuck replied.

"You don't understand," Sarah told him.

"The sex won't be as hot without us sneaking around?" Chuck asked.

"Pfffth!" Sarah replied, walking over to the couch, kicking off her heels and stretching her long legs on it.

Chuck came over and picked up her feet and began to massage them, as Sarah let out a long, loud moan. "Sex will be less frequent?"

"Pfffth," she said, her head hanging over the back of the couch as he worked on her foot.

"You won't undress me with your eyes as much?" he offered, digging in deep into the pad of her foot, watching her shudder.

"You are gonna get cold in my head you're naked so often," she moaned.

"How come I _really _don't mind when you objectify me?" he asked.

"Because I then physically act out my whims?" she offered.

"So what's the problem?" Chuck asked.

"You'll distract me, looking all sexy with that hair either long and curly, or short and sexy looking. Then there's that long lanky form, those fingers that touch me oh so right, and then…then there is the piece de resistance, that mouth of yours. God, I love that mouth."

Chuck crawled up the couch to her, looking into her eyes, his lips inches from hers. "I haven't seen the problem yet?"

"I kinda forgot it if I'm honest," Sarah replied, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him.

}o{

_Two months later_

Graham looked from one to the other. "Excuse me," Chuck began, making Graham turn to him. "I was under the impression I wasn't to be executed today." Chuck swallowed under Graham's glare.

"I didn't think you were the type to lose your sanity for a girl," Graham began.

"I didn't either," Chuck admitted.

Graham pulled out a file that was twice as big as the one he pulled out last time. Sarah leaned over. "I've learned the hard way that's not the bad guys we've caught."

"This is the paperwork I've had to fill out because of your cover wife's obsession with Diego," Graham began.

"_Diego,_" Sarah growled.

"He is the only bad guy she's been assigned she hasn't caught," Chuck pointed out.

"And that you haven't caught," Graham added, making Chuck's eyes go wide. "What? You two have a _perfect _record together." Graham glanced at the file. "It does come with a price." He was silent for a moment. "I would like to permanently assign you two to each other."

"No," Chuck said.

Sarah turned to him, stood, started to storm out, and stopped. "I was going back to my quarters but then I remembered that you lived there too."

"I have a counter offer," Chuck said, looking at Sarah. "One a scale of one to ten, how bad of an idea do you think it would be if we got married? For real married."

Sarah thought a moment. "Off the charts bad," she admitted. "Let's do it!"

"I don't have a ring," he admitted, as he reached under his jacket and pulled out his gun and offered it to her. "But it's yours."

Her eyes went wide and she began to tear up.

"Jesus, you're as crazy as she is," Graham muttered.

}o{

"He's not responding to painful stimuli," Sarah told Chuck.

"Will you cut that out!" he yelled, firing off a shot. "Stabbing someone in the foot over and over does _not _make you a doctor!"

"Well, it works on TV!" she retorted. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "You take me to the nicest places for our honeymoon!"

"Anything for you, Baby," Chuck told her. "Last baddy is there," he said pointing. Sarah pulled the trigger and he fell.

"Yes, another perfect mission, that wasn't even ours!" Sarah said, hugging him. "Now, can we burn down compound?"

"Are you sure it's flammable?" Chuck asked.

She gave him a "are you stupid" look, patted him on the cheek, and started to walk toward the compound. "Chuck, anything is if you want it bad enough and have enough accelerant."

"I don't know who's crazier," Chuck muttered to himself. "Her, or me for marrying her?"

"Why not both?" she yelled out. "Come help me!" He shook his head and ran to join her.

* * *

A/N: Who is Diego? You think I know? Reviews, PMs, a coat that lets me hug myself are always appreciated. DC


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: If you think I have a clue where this is going, you're wrong. (Unbeta'd all mistakes my own)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

Chuck felt the bag get ripped off of his face and saw the terrified man standing there before him. In the background, he heard a scream and a gun shot. "Not going well is it?" Chuck asked.

The man held a knife in front of Chuck. "Make her stop or I will kill you!"

"No, you won't," Chuck replied. He rolled his neck, feeling it pop. "See, if you kill me, she _won__'t _kill you." The man stared at him. "Do you know she'll cut off your fingers one by one…no…she wouldn't." The man gave a sigh of relief. "She'd do it at the knuckles first." He blanched. "And then the toes." Chuck then pressed his lips together, looked at the man's groin and then back to his face. Chuck raised his eyebrows, and the man in front of him flinched and covered his private parts.

"We used to call that the Morgan," Chuck groused. "So, I know you're not Diego, but she doesn't. So, the question is, why are you going around claiming you're Diego." Another scream, this time closer, followed by two gun shots. "You better hurry, she's getting closer!"

"He offered people to be him for a week," the man replied.

"Who are you?" Chuck asked.

"Freddy," he replied. "I'm Freddy, and all I wanted was to be the big guy for a week, the women, the money-"

"The death," Chuck finished for him. "How many men do you have?"

"I have over one hundred," Freddy replied.

"Had," Chuck corrected. Freddy paled. "That's what's taking her so long," he muttered.

"Please don't let her kill me," Freddy pleaded.

"Listen, you're a good guy, right? You've committed no crimes," Chuck began. Freddy looked away. "I mean, we're talking jay walking, right?"

"I've killed a few people," Freddy admitted.

"But only bad ones, right?" Chuck asked.

Freddy swallowed. "I mean, I got paid to kill them."

"Freddy, this doesn't look good for you," Chuck admitted.

"You'll put in a good word for me?"

"Freddy, you kidnapped me, you've killed people, why would I put in a good word for you?"

"But I could kill you," Freddy insisted.

"You're not that stupid," Chuck pointed out. Freddy's eyes went wide as he thought about the implications. Suddenly he didn't think about anything as he fell forward, a hole appearing in his head.

"Drat," Sarah said, walking in. She walked up to Freddy, ripped part of his shirt off, and began to clean Chuck's face or the blood and brain that had splattered onto it. When it was clean, she took his head in her hands, and kissed the top of Chuck's forehead. "I'm sorry I took so long to get here."

"It's okay, I heard there were over one hundred men," Chuck replied.

"Doesn't matter," Sarah said, looking around and then back at her husband.

"Are you gonna untie me?" Chuck asked.

Sarah looked at him and grinned. "How securely are you tied up there?"

"Sarah," he said, his eyes going wide.

She picked up her phone. "Gonna need pickup, two hours," Sarah said. "I have some de-briefing to do," she said, waggling her eyebrows. She hung up and pulled out her knife.

"You're not cutting the ropes off, are you?" he asked. She shook her head.

}o{

The next day saw the two sitting in front of Graham. "Would you like to explain this?" he asked, dropping a thick folder on his desk.

"Not really," Chuck replied.

"Why were you naked when we found you?" Graham asked.

"My clothes were shredded during my rescue," Chuck replied.

"The rescue that took," Graham paused as he looked at his notes. "Two hours?"

"A lot of de-briefing, sir," Sarah replied with a straight face.

"And you included your clothes in the list of expenses?" Graham asked. Chuck looked at Sarah, who shrugged.

"They were destroyed while Chuck was held hostage," Sarah replied.

"Don't you mean during the rescue?" Graham asked.

"Listen, if Chuck hadn't gotten tied up, the knife wouldn't have been necessary," Sarah began.

"Oh, Lord," Graham muttered, his hand covering his face. He glanced at Chuck who was having a hard time keeping a straight face.

"I was trying to get him free," Sarah continued.

"And you kept missing the ropes?" Graham asked.

"I had just killed over one hundred bad guys, Sir, adrenaline was coursing through my veins, and I had to do _something _to get rid of it," Sarah replied, shrugging.

Graham looked at Chuck. "So you're something?"

Chuck nearly choked. "Sir," Sarah continued. "I believe our record continues to speak for itself."

"It does," Graham admitted. "Five people have paid to be 'Diego' and all five are now deceased."

"They are bad people," Chuck pointed out.

"They are," Graham said, shutting the folder, sighing. "Do you think you two could take a week or two off, for my sake?"

"I mean, we can try," Sarah said. "If it's an order."

"Oh, it's an order," Graham told her. "By the way, exactly how did you set a dungeon on fire."

"Sir, if you want something to happen bad enough, it can," Sarah explained patiently.

"Are you saying you don't want Diego bad enough?" Graham asked.

Sarah's eyes flashed. "Oh, shit," Chuck muttered.

"Two weeks vacation you two," Graham said, dismissing them. "Go somewhere, wherever you want, just go."

Chuck and Sarah walked outside Graham's office. They continued in silence until they got to the car.

"I'm going after Diego," she said as he shut his door.

"No, _we__'re_ going after Diego, and we're going to kill him," Chuck retorted.

She gave him a grateful smile. "You say the nicest things to me."

"What say we go home and you de-brief me?" Chuck asked. Sarah grinned and pulled out her knife. "Wait until we get home." She smiled and moved toward him. "SARAH!"

* * *

A/N: I have no idea. I really don't.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I hesitate posting this. Mom is back in the hospital, complications from surgery. I still can't see her (thanks Covid) I needed a laugh but I don't know if this is as good as the ones in the past. I apologize. (Unbeta'd)

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

Graham looked from one to the other. "Is there anything you'd like to say."

"Actually yes," Chuck replied. Graham leaned back, waiting to hear this explanation. Chuck began to speak in a movie voice-over voice. "She is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that does not change it's nature."

"Awww," Sarah said, nearly melting. "That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me."

"Well, it's the truth, baby," Chuck told her.

"Lovely," Graham replied, his arms crossed, a scowl on his face. "I thought you might explain what happened."

"Oh, I did," Chuck pointed out. "And you _knew _what would happen."

"I did?" Graham asked.

"He did?" Sarah parroted.

"He did," Chuck said. Graham began to chuckle.

}o{

_Five days ago_

"I see him," Chuck said, looking through the telescope in their hotel room at the yacht.

"Ooo, ooo, let me see," Sarah said, as she scampered over to where he was in her barely there white bikini.

Chuck moved out of the way and tried his best not to ogle her. She sat in his lap as she looked, and squirmed excitedly, seeing him. "There he is, _Dieeeggoooooo_!"

"Uh, exactly why are you wearing a bikini?" Chuck asked. She turned to him, an amused smile on her face. "I mean, we have to stay out of sight until we confront him, and you on that beach in…that," he said, gesturing towards her. "That is not inconspicuous."

"You don't like it?" Sarah asked him.

"I mean I do, but I'm not sure wh..y…" he trailed off as she leaned over and gently took his earlobe in her teeth. "Uh,"

"If you don't like it, I can take it off," she said, her hands going behind her back to the string.

"Uh," Chuck began again, his brain not working.

"I mean, you have given up your time off to help me hunt this guy down, and I _so _want to make you happy," Sarah continued, the string now untied.

"Uh,"

}o{

_Now_

"I do NOT need a minute by minute replay!" Graham told Sarah.

"Sorry," Sarah replied, glancing over at Chuck who was shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Sorry," she mouthed to him.

"Do you need a minute, Agent Carmichael?" Graham asked.

"Two," Chuck replied.

}o{

_Five minutes later_

"You ready to continue?" Graham asked. Chuck nodded.

}o{

_The hotel room_

"So, we go in, in our wetsuits, take everyone out, and kill…_Dieeeggggoooooo_!" Sarah explained.

"Orrrr, we could just go to the party tomorrow night since the bodyguards won't be expecting us to enter the front entrance," Chuck pointed out.

"Oooo, super tight wetsuit or slinky black dress," Sarah said. "Which do you prefer?"

"Why do you give me impossible decisions?" Chuck asked, looking like he was ready to cry.

}o{

_Graham__'s office_

Graham had his head in his hand. "You see my dilemma," Chuck said to Graham.

"I do not," Graham said lifting his head from his hand. "But you two seem to embrace your crazy, so…" he trailed off, no idea what to say. "Obviously you went with the coat and tie." Chuck and Sarah exchanged looks, grinning. "You entered the yacht and were captured almost immediately," Graham pointed out. Chuck and Sarah had amused smiles on their faces. "I'm missing something."

"Chuck wanted his cake and to eat it too," Sarah said. "I try and make my husband happy." Graham slowly turned to Chuck, his eyes wide.

Chuck shrugged. "What can I say, I recognize I'm a lucky man."

}o{

_In a holding room on the yacht_

"Aren't you glad I asked why not both now?" Chuck asked Sarah, the two of them tied up, back to back. "Also, that's not the ropes, dear, that's my ass."

"Oh, I am well aware, I just wanna squeeze it," Sarah told him. "How long until the bombs we set last night on the bottom of the yacht go off."

"I think five-ish minutes or so, but it's hard to concentrate with you squeezing my ass like that," Chuck told her.

"_FINE_!" she grumbled, moving her fingers to the ropes. It took her two minutes to untie him. He bent down, untied his feet, turned and went to untie his hands as she jerked them away. "Nope, I want to do it the fun way."

"Sarah," he protested.

"Chuck….._puhlleeeeaaaassssseeeee,_" she said in a pouty tone with a pout on her face that he couldn't see but still affected him.

"Fine," he said walking around to the front of her. He bent down and wrapped his arms around her, reaching for the knot.

"I want the really fun way," she told him, her lips an inch from his. He shook his head, leaned forward, as his lips captured hers. He used his fingers, looking for the ropes around her wrists, when he realized she had already untied herself. He broke the kiss, her grinning at him, and began to unite her feet. He got up, looked around the room, found her clutch and handed it to her. She held up the ropes that had tied her up, and looked at her clutch. "I don't think these will fit in there."

"What are you gonna do with those?" he asked her. She raised an eyebrow and his eyes widened. "We can get ropes anywhere," he told her. "Besides, they chafe."

"Good point," Sarah said, drawing his gun out of her clutch and handing it to him and then hers. Chuck raised an eyebrow. "Slinky dress, little place to hide guns, but you're welcome to check me thoroughly for them later." The yacht rocked from explosions. "Time to go!" she said happily.

}o{

_Graham__'s office_

"But he got away," Graham said, looking from one to the other.

"But we sank his yacht, recovered his hard drive," Chuck said, placing it on Graham's desk.

"Don't forget the yacht was set on fire," Sarah chirped. Graham looked at one agent, then the other, and then shook his head.

Chuck widened his eyes, and continued. "On there is access to bank accounts worldwide." Graham grinned. "But you knew that already."

Graham reached over, and placed over a dozen files on his desk. "These are all the contacts into other criminal organization Diego has ties to. Each time you mess with him, you inadvertently cripple or destroy multiple criminal enterprises."

"So you want him to get away?" Sarah asked.

"No, I'm not stupid, I know you two want him, but every time he does get away, we win, and one day you'll catch him and he'll flip…if you don't kill him," Graham said, staring at Sarah, who looked slightly irritated.

"No promises," Chuck told him.

"Good job, you two," Graham told them. "You still have a few days off, please use them."

"Oh, we will, we're going tie shopping," Sarah told Graham. Graham blanched.

"I don't need any ties," Chuck said, as he got up.

"I think some silk ones would be best," Sarah continued, as she was heading out the door.

"I don't need any ties," Chuck protested. "I don't," he said to Graham.

"Please leave," Graham said. The door shut. "Those two are psychos."

* * *

A/N: Thanks for putting up with my therapy. Take care, please wear a mask so I may see my family again some day.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: My beta is behind with life, so I thought I'd do something. This is unbeta'd and it's...well...it's...I mean….yeah.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

_Two years, six months ago_

Chuck was sitting at the restaurant, enjoying his dumplings, watching the two suspects in the corner. He had been trailing then for six weeks and he was about to make the biggest bust of his career. He looked up in surprise as the blond sat down across from him.

"Sorry I'm late, babe!" she said in a somewhat loud voice. Some of the customers looked around at her when she said it and then went back to their meal.

"Who the hell are you?" Chuck asked, confused at what was going on.

"Agent Carmichael," she said softly. "You are surrounded by Diego's men."

"Who's Diego?" Chuck asked. "For that matter who are you?"

"I'm Sarah Walker, and I'm chasing Diego," she told him like that answered everything, when it in fact answered little, except who she was.

Chuck sat back and studied her. He had heard about Sarah Walker, the Ice Queen, Graham's Right Hand, and cold blooded assassin. "Sir?" came the questioning voice of the waiter.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't sure my girlfriend here was going to be able to make it," Chuck said with a smile on his face. "She'll have the same thing I'm having." He turned to Sarah. "I'm sorry, is it okay I'm ordering for you?"

"You can order for me anytime, sweetie, you know that," Sarah said, grinning at him. The waiter walked away. "Well done," she said in a low voice. "Now, I need to know how squeamish you are?"

"Whhhy?" Chuck asked. "I'm bringing those two in, unharmed."

Sarah winced. "Sorry, I have to send Diego a message, and he only seems to understand one language, the language of death."

"Screw you, this is my op," Chuck said.

"Later," she said, stopping him and making him blink. "If we leave anyone alive, they might hurt you."

"Why do you care if someone hurts me, you don't know me?" Chuck asked, completely befuddled by this point.

"I've been watching them, so by extension I've been watching you, and I like you. You're a good looking guy, the curls do things to me, and you're a good person." She shrugged.

Chuck sat there, stunned. The waiter brought Sarah her food and she ate, silently as Chuck collected himself. "I'm good looking?"

"Yeah, you are," Sarah told him. She sighed. "Listen, I am who I am, so, if after this is over, and you never want to see me again, I get it."

"Wait," Chuck said, putting his hand on her wrist. She looked up at him. "After this, what do you think about us having an actual date?"

"Chuck," she said giving him a sad smile. "You don't want to be involved with me, I'm too…complicated."

"My sister hates that word," Chuck told her.

"Well, I'm sorry, I am," Sarah retorted.

"I think maybe you're just misunderstood," Chuck replied.

"You don't know me, so how do you know if I'm misunderstood?" Sarah asked him.

He sat there quietly for a moment. "I've heard rumors, the legend of Sarah Walker," he said softly. "What I've heard does not match up in any way with the girl…excuse me, the woman in front of me. The Ice Queen legend says you are heartless, selfish, and basically evil. In front of me sits a woman who is here to help me, someone she doesn't even know, and that is not the Ice Queen legend."

"That's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me," Sarah said softly.

Chuck reached down, picked up the chopsticks, and handed them to her. She looked at him questioningly. "I'll get the two behind you, you get the four behind me?" She grinned at him. "What?"

"Your flirt game is on point," she said, and suddenly two chopsticks were flying, hitting two of the goons behind Chuck in the neck, blood pouring from them, seconds from death. Chuck pulled his gun and shot the two that were reaching for theirs. With his other hand he pulled his other gun out of his jacket and tossed it to her. She had already killed two others with a fork and a salad knife.

They stood, back to back, taking out the other six goons in the restaurant. Sarah turned to Chuck. "If we do this, no one can know about it."

"Okay," Chuck said, shooting one of the goons in the head, that wasn't dead and had started to rise, all while looking Sarah right in her eyes.

"What is it you hope to get out of this relationship, Chuck…this weird partnership?" she asked him, shooting another bad guy that wasn't dead, all while looking into his eyes.

"I was kinda hoping that you'd, you know….fall in love with me."

Sarah's mouth dropped. She was stunned, and then she quickly raised her gun to shoot again, when Chuck caught her wrist making her shoot the wall beside the waiter instead of the waiter himself. She looked at him, shocked.

"He's not one of them," Chuck said softly.

"The meal's on the house," the waiter said, as he ran to the back to hide.

"You kept me from killing an innocent," Sarah said softly.

"It's no problem," he said, grinning at you. "So earlier, when I said screw you…" Sarah began to grin like a lion about to pounce a wounded gazelle, and Chuck found himself swallowing.

}o{

_Now_

"Chuck, you okay?" Sarah asked, curled up against him. They had taken out another dozen of Diego's men, but no Diego. They were on the couch watching mindless TV, decompressing.

"Yeah, just thinking," he said, grinning at her head, and placing a soft kiss on top of it. "How do you feel about dumplings?"

"From that restaurant we had our first date?" she asked, sitting up quickly, excitement in her eyes.

"So to be clear, every time we kill a bunch of Diego's men, it's a date?"

"What could be more romantic?" she asked, bouncing a shoulder.

"What could," Chuck agreed.

* * *

A/N: I'm not sure who's more psycho, them or me….


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: I mean….we've talked about this idea on Facebook and…well…here we are.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

Graham found himself on the phone, rubbing his forehead, listening in disbelief to the orders he was being given.

"Mr. President, I hear you, and I know that you want the best agent couple I have to watch the child, but Sir…you don't understand…" he went silent as the President cut in. "Yes, sir, I do understand that you are the commander-in-chief."

Chuck burst into the room at that moment. "Sorry we're late sir." Graham gave him a glare and Chuck looked contrite as he sat down in the chair across from Graham.

"Sir," Graham began again, and then was silent. "Sir, a child?" He was silent and looked like he had given up. "Yes, sir, I will take care of this." Graham hung up and glared at Chuck.

"I said I was sorry about being late," Chuck told Graham.

"It's not that Bartowski," Graham told him. "We have orders from the President…at least you and Sarah do. You are being asked to watch over a high value target."

"Okay," Chuck said, not seeing the problem.

"It's a thirty month old named Molly," Graham told Chuck. "Your wife…a kid…you think that will work out okay?"

Chuck was silent for a moment. "Director, I know over the past few months we have put you in some…situations." Graham snorted. "Trust me when I say, I'm going to help you with this. Just go with it."

Graham gave him a look and the door opened. Graham stared at Sarah as she walked in. "Agent, is that…is that an ear in your hair?"

"It's not mine or Chuck's," she said, plucking it out and dropping it in the trashcan. Graham glanced over at Chuck who shrugged. "Didn't he tell you we were sorry we're late."

"Why…why do you have an ear in your hair?" Graham asked.

"Because one of Diego's men I was trying to shoot in the head moved and I shot his ear off," Sarah replied shrugging.

"Director Graham you called us here on important business?" Chuck asked.

"Yes, right," Graham began. "Agents…we have a situation that requires my best couple."

"That would be us, we are the best," Sarah told Graham. "Except for…._Diego_," she growled.

Graham swallowed and looked at Chuck.

"Sarah," Chuck began, trying to get this meeting back on track. "Diego has a target and we need to protect the target."

"Who is it?" she asked, her eyes sparkling.

"It's a child…a toddler," Chuck told her.

Sarah made a grimacing face. "No," she told Chuck. "I don't do children."

"Sarah…Diego is coming for the child, to finish what he started…when he killed the toddler's parents." Graham looked at Chuck who waved him off. "Do you want _that _on your record?"

"What's the kid's name?" Sarah asked Graham.

"It's Molly," Graham began.

"Well, she just became Molly Bartowski," Sarah said. Graham looked at Chuck, who shrugged. "We will protect her, and if Diego comes anywhere near her…I'll kill him!"

"You'll also protect the child, right?" Graham asked.

"Oh, yeah, sure," Sarah replied. Graham did not look convinced.

}o{

_Three weeks later._

Graham looked across the stack of files on his desk at the three sitting across from him. "Would you like to explain ANY OF THIS!?" he bellowed, gesturing to the files.

"SHHH," Molly said, putting her finger to her lips, admonishing Graham.

"We don't yell," Sarah explained.

Graham looked at Chuck. "What, you thought we'd just leave her to the wolves?" Chuck asked.

"Explain this!" Graham said, handing Chuck one of the files. Chuck opened it, looked at it, and shut it.

"Simple," Chuck said. "Sarah took Molly to the park."

"Did you see the property damage bill?" Graham asked.

"Diego was there and waved at Molly," Chuck replied, shrugging. "So Sarah had to steal a car, and chase after him."

"And running over three people?" Graham asked.

"Hey, he threw his own guys in my way!" Sarah protested.

"Splat!" Molly yelled, giggling. "Bad guys dead."

Graham's eyes widened as he turned back to Chuck. "Think this is pretty much self-explanatory, Director."

"Okay, this one," he said, handing the file to Chuck.

Chuck looked at it and scoffed. "It's the bill for the new vehicle." Graham made choking noises. "Listen, we needed a minivan, but you don't expect Sarah to drive any old minivan do you?" Graham looked from Chuck to Sarah and back again. He looked as thought his eye might blow out of his forehead. "It needed an upgrade to the engine, bullet proofing-"

"Bullet proofing?" Graham asked.

"Child safety," Sarah said like Graham had lost his mind.

"Yeah, keep me safe," Molly told him.

"What was I thinking?" Graham asked.

"It's otay, I still love you," Molly said blowing Graham a kiss. Graham sat there as Molly glared at him.

"Sir, you need to catch the kiss, put it on your cheek, if not your lips, and then blow one back," Chuck said in a low voice.

"I _am _the Director of the CIA, Carmichael," Graham hissed.

"And she's a high value asset," Chuck reminded him. "Being guarded by Sarah." Graham glanced at Sarah, saw her glare, caught the kiss, put it on his cheek, and blew one back at Molly. Sarah smiled. "If that's all, Director?"

"No, it's not, explain this one," he said, handing the folder to Chuck. Chuck looked at it and grimaced. He handed it to Sarah who looked at it and grimaced as well.

"Young lady, what do we say?" Sarah asked.

"I'm sorry," Molly said, her head down.

"What is she sorry for?" Graham asked. Molly climbed down from Sarah's lap, walked around the desk, and held her hands out to Graham in the universal gesture of "pick me up." Graham looked down at her, and relented. He picked her up and placed her on his lap.

"I was tailing Diego," Sarah began.

"He's a bad man," Molly told Graham.

"I'm aware," Graham told Molly.

"And I was out of the van, trying to get a better look, when someone got out of their seat," Sarah said, giving Molly a stern look.

"I hit the red button," Molly said, her head down.

"What did the red button do?" Graham asked.

"Shot off the missile," Molly said. "IT WENT BOOM!" Graham jumped.

"She did take out two of Diego's lieutenants," Sarah pointed out.

"Bad guys sploded!" Molly said, giggling. Her smile dropped and she looked very sad. "I'm sorry," she said, lying her head on Graham's shoulder.

Graham looked at Sarah and then Chuck. He looked back down at the little girl. "Well, what did you learn from this?"

"Never shoot the missile until Mama says I can," Molly said.

"Awww," Sarah said, her hands to her heart, tears running from her face. "She called me Mama."

"The President thinks it best if you keep Molly in your care for the time being," Graham told the two.

"I wanna live with Mama and Dada for ever and ever," Molly told Graham.

"Wellll," Graham said, looking down at the little girl. "I'll see what I can do."

"Okay," she said sadly.

Graham sighed. "Fine, I'll make it permanent. You two okay with that?" Both the parents nodded, happily. "Go, enjoy the day, and please, try to keep the destruction to a minimum." Molly stood up on Graham's leg and kissed his cheek. Sarah grabbed the little girl and the three headed out the door. "What the hell have I done?" Graham groused.

* * *

A/N: Yep...I've lost my mind.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Welcome to my decent to madness. Chuck and Sarah…raising a thirty month old….heaven help us all. Thank you to Joe Watkins and Grace for some of the ideas that spurred this insanity along.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and my sanity is questionable by this point.

* * *

It was quite…too quiet. Sarah had gone out to run an errand earlier, and when she returned she said she was going to take a shower. Molly had come through the living room, headed into the spare room, and came back a few minutes later, smiling. She had begun to drag stuff through the house to the spare room. A little bit later, Sarah came out of the bathroom, dressed in different clothes than earlier. She had headed the same direction as Molly, and Chuck had heard them talking in low voices.

That had been a half hour ago. Chuck was now sitting on the couch watching TV, Sarah was still in the other room, and Molly was continuing to drag things across the living room, into the room Sarah was in.

Chuck had started to ask a few times what was going on, but he stayed silent, just watching….thinking. "Should I ask?" he muttered to himself. He knew Sarah wasn't the typical parent, hell, he wasn't the typical parent, but their family worked, so who was he to say something was wrong.

However, in the last half an hour he had seen Molly drag/carry Drain cleaner, a package of pork chops, Oreos, and a can of cheese into the spare room. She dragged her small table through the living room, and when Chuck had started to get up to help her, she had glared at him. He knew…at least as far as he knew, Molly wasn't Sarah's biological child, but that glare…

He went back to watching TV when Molly appeared again, dragging a bag of tools…those were the tools Sarah used to get information out of someone. The bag was closed, and she was taking it to Sarah, so that was okay, Chuck mused. "Don't open that without your mother's okay," Chuck told Molly.

"Okay, Dada," Molly said, nodding sagely to Chuck. She went back through the living room and a minute later he heard the sound of something heavy being dragged. He looked back to the doorway and Molly was dragging a bag of dry cement.

"Don't let that get wet, or pour any liquids into it," Chuck told her. "Do you need help?"

"I got it," Molly told him, huffing and grunting, dragging the bag.

"What in the hell are they doing?" Chuck asked himself.

A few minutes later she came back through the living room and Chuck wondered what was coming next. She came through carrying jumper cables. Chuck blinked. He swore he then heard a whimper coming from the room that was not Sarah's or Molly's. Before he could say anything, Molly came back through, skipping, not a care in the world or having seemingly any concerns.

She came back through holding a spatula, and grilling tongs that you cook hot dogs with. Chuck had had enough. "Molly!" he yelled. She stopped and turned toward him, wide-eyed. "You do _not _carry those tongs, pointed ends up. You could get hurt that way." Molly nodded, turned the tongs over, and looked back at Chuck. "Good job! If you carry them the other way you could put an eye out."

She looked down at the pointed end. "Wouldn't want to put the wrong person's eye out," she said, with a nod. She took off toward the other room. What the hell was going on?

Molly came back through from the spare room, and Chuck wondered what was next. It was a few minutes later he heard a lot of noise. He braced himself, looked back, and she was dragging her Barbie doll castle down the hallway. Chuck shook his head and went back to his show.

She came back through and this time she returned with a bag of frozen peas. Chuck blinked, shook his head, and decided to stay out of it. But what happened next had him absolutely perplexed. Molly dragged the bumper off an old car through the living room. Molly didn't come back after a few minutes and Chuck's curiosity had finally gotten the better of him.

"Babe?" he called out. "You need any help in there?"

"Nope," she replied sweetly. "We're just having a tea party"

"A tea party?" he muttered to himself. "Who the hell has a tea party with jumper cables, a bag of cement, and a car bumper?" He shook his head but what he heard next made him think it wasn't just a simple tea party.

"PINKIES OUT!" he heard Molly bellow. Chuck knew she wasn't saying that to Sarah. He leapt off the couch, raced to the room, and stood in the doorway, frozen in shock.

Sarah and Molly both had tiaras on, and Molly was in a lacy princess dress. Random lace and glitter was all over Sarah, who seemed as happy as can be. What had Chuck stunned was the balding man, duck taped to a chair, a tiara on his head, half falling off, lace placed haphazardly all over him, and the complete look of terror on his face.

"Help me," he pleaded.

"YOU DON'T TALK UNTIL YOUR SPOKEN TO BUD!" Molly yelled.

"And how did you meet, Bud?" Chuck asked, looking at Sarah.

"I came in here, and Mommy had brought him home for me to have a tea party with!" Molly said excitedly. Chuck gave Sarah a look.

"Bud," Sarah said. "I'm going over there to talk to Chuck. If you do _one _think to Molly, I am going to use that dry cement and bumper from the car on you, do you understand?" The man tied up that Chuck could only assume was Bud, swallowed thickly and nodded.

Sarah got up and went over to Chuck. She nodded for him to follow her and they stepped outside, where both could watch Bud.

"I was running my errand, saw Frank," she paused. "Apparently Molly thinks he is Bud," she explained. Anyway, he's one of Diego's lieutenants, caught him, and brought him back here. I wasn't thinking, Chuck, I'm sorry," Sarah said

"It's okay, but we have to start thinking about Molly," Chuck said gently. Sarah nodded.

"I know," Sarah told him. "I've tried to keep her out of it the best I could."

"Okay, so what happened?"

"I came out of the shower, came in here, and Molly had found him, "Sarah began. "She thought I had brought him here for a tea party. So I told her to bring everything we needed for a tea party. Apparently Frank thought Tea Party was code for torture, so I had Molly bring in random things."

"So you have no real plans for the bumper?" Chuck asked her.

"Oh, no," Sarah replied. "But _he _doesn't know that."

"You can't kill him in front of Molly, Sarah," Chuck told her gently.

"I know, as soon as I get the info out of him, I'm having Graham's guys pick him up," Sarah told him. Chuck leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "What was that for?"

"Cause you're adorable when you pout and can't kill someone," he said gently. She glared at him and he shrugged. "It's true." He glanced into the room. "Molly!" he called. She came to the door. "Do you know where my electric tooth brush is?" Sarah gave him a look. "It's for the…._Tea Party_."

"I'LL TELL YOU EVERYTHING!" Frank yelled. Sarah kissed Chuck.

"Aww, Mama and Dada love each other," Molly said, throwing her arms around their legs. Chuck reached down and rubbed her head, loving his crazy family. Some might even say psychotic. But they were his psychos.

* * *

A/N: If you're a newer reader and don't understand some of the reviews, back when the show was on the air, Wepdiggy had a selection of one-shots called the Adorable Psycho. Many other authors have written one-shots based off of those. This isn't exactly that, but it's kinda the same insanity. Hope you enjoyed, stay safe. DC.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N: No betas were harmed in the making of this fic…unless their name was Diego, and then I can promise nothing.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck

* * *

"Sweetie, those are decorative."

"Just because they're pretty, doesn't mean they're not knives, Chuck," Sarah told him, holding it at their captive's throat.

Chuck looked at their captive who was tied up. "What do you think?"

"They are quite sharp," their captor choked out. "Uh, isn't this illegal?"

"I don't read a lot of law books," Sarah admitted. "And no dumb blond jokes. I am quite intelligent, it's just that sometimes those books use fifty words when one will do."

"She's quite intelligent," Chuck agreed. "But if you disagree, I would like to remind you she has a knife at your throat."

"I'm sure she's a Rhodes Scholar," the henchman said. "Ack!"

"Sarah!" Chuck warned, the knife leaving a red spot on the man's neck. The skin wasn't cut, but any more pressure and it would be.

"Now he's just patronizing me, and there's nothing more I hate than a patronizer," Sarah told him.

"Oh, there is," Chuck reminded her. "Diego."

"Dieeeegooooo," she hissed, turning back to the henchman. "Where is he?"

"IhavenoideaIsweartoGod!" the henchman said as quickly as possible. Chuck heard a liquid hitting the ground, and looked under the henchman's chair.

"They alway piss themselves," Sarah said, disappointment in her voice. "Now I have to blow the place up."

"You do not," Chuck replied. Sarah gave him a look. "You really don't."

}o{

They found themselves in Graham's office a few days later. "How's Molly?" Graham asked.

"She's good. She's staying with my mother for a few days, they are bonding," Chuck replied.

Graham started to ask how that was working out, Molly staying with a spy, but then he thought about who she had been adopted by and decided that point was, in fact, moot. "I have a question about your last mission," he began, trying to be as direct as he could.

"I saved the pretty knives," Sarah said.

"I see," Graham replied. "I also see you requested to keep them."

"Finders, keepers," Sarah told him.

"Agent Walker, I'm going to have to ask you to return those knives so we can process them," Graham said gently.

"Possession is nine-tenths of the law," she told him.

"I thought you didn't read law books?" Chuck asked.

Graham looked from one to the other. "That's not in any law book," Graham informed them.

"Should be," Chuck said, leaning back in the chair. He slapped his hands on his legs. "Welp, we'll be seeing you director."

"This meeting isn't over," Graham said, confused.

"But you said you only had one question," Chuck pointed out.

"I haven't asked it," Graham explained.

"So I can keep the knives then," Sarah told him.

Graham felt his eye begin to twitch and a headache form. "Just because….you know what, keep them," he said, the weariness in his voice missed by his two agents. "I would like to talk to you about the explosion."

"It was quite pretty," Sarah told Graham. "I do love a good explosion, but the fact there were fireworks there…" she trailed off with a smile on her face.

"Agent Walker," Graham began.

"Plus I called Mary, before they went off, and she was able to get Molly nearby, so Molly got to see the fireworks as well," Sarah continued, a content smile on her face. "I'm not sure I'm the best mom, Director," Sarah admitted. "But to see her face light up with joy at the explosions…it got me right here, you know?"

Graham sat there, struggling to find words as the door opened. "Mommy!" Molly shouted.

"I'm so sorry, Director, she just wanted to see her mother," Mary apologized.

"Baby girl," Sarah said, sweeping her up, and hugging her. "We were just talking about the fireworks."

"BOOM!" Molly yelled, making Graham jump. "And then it was so pretty…and then…." Molly trailed off, and Graham felt himself leaning toward Molly, as she played with a button on Sarah's coat. "BOOM!" Molly yelled, her hands going wide, Graham nearly falling back into her chair. "Mommy, I gotta go potty."

"Excuse me, Director," Sarah said, standing.

"Agent," Graham began.

"Director, we have been potty training Molly," Sarah explained. "You don't want to be the reason she has an accident."

"Don't make Mommy blow me up," Molly told Graham, making his eyes go wide.

"Sweetie, your Mommy would never blow you up, only bad guys get blown up when they potty on themselves," Mary explained. The three ladies left leaving Graham and Chuck alone.

"What the hell, Bartowski?" Graham asked.

"I don't question a lot of it, sir," Chuck answered with a shrug.

"Probably best," Graham told him. "Any leads on Diego?"

"No, we've been a bit busy with the whole potty training," Chuck admitted.

"It can be time consuming," Graham commiserated, remembering. "But," he said shaking his head. "Fireworks?"

"Sir, I mean this with all due respect, when she gets the chance to blow something up and create something to make her daughter happy, do you think any sane husband would stop their wife?"

Graham wanted to argue the word sane, but he saw Chuck's point. He started to speak when Chuck's phone went off. "Gotta go, Sir," Chuck told Graham.

"We're not done," Graham protested.

"They need a new diaper, before Molly gets upset, you don't want Molly upset, do you?" Chuck asked. Graham just stared at Chuck, and then shook his head. Chuck got up, and quickly left the office.

"They are every one insane," Graham muttered. He closed the file, and put it in the stack to be filed. "Fireworks with an explosion." He bobbed his head thinking about it. "I kinda get it."

* * *

A/N: I know…I know…


End file.
